This month marks 8 months of marriage with my hubby. I can recall the days dreaming and wishing for what now is finally here. I grew up as a pastors daughter, I was involved in ministry for as long as I can remember wether I liked it or not. Although my family had some great times over the years in ministry, planting churches, seeing people come to Christ, being a special part in the church, I never planning on being a pastors wife. People always looked at me and referred to me as "the church girl", "the pastors daughter", "naive", "goody-two-shoes"... the list goes on. People saw me in a certain way that at times I didn't want to be seen as or didn't want to be associated with. There was a time in my life when I ran far away from those labels and images, but for the most part, I do look back with wonderful memories. So when the time came that I fell madly in love with this bible college boy, I knew he was a good influence on me, I knew I was serious about him, but I didn't really think about what it would mean exactly to be a pastor's wife. When Zack and I were closer to becoming engaged my mom helped prep me of common struggles and what to expect. By this point I was too far gone and in love to turn back just because his calling was difficult. But what shocked me the most and why I am writing this blog post, is the amount of negative or sarcastic comments I received once we were engaged: "You're going to be a pastor's wife?" wow...good luck! well you're in for a real treat! be careful, a lot of times pastors wives end up hating the church! make sure he spends enough time with you! now the church has another free worker, a two for one! they say the pastor's wife has the hardest role in the church! I knew what it was like to be a pastors daughter, but from all these negative comments (although they came from well meaning people) convinced me to believe I was in for a rude awakening when I became a pastor's wife. I understood the concern, people weren't trying to hurt me, they were just trying to help. I realize that there are deep wounds that can be caused by the church, hence why I received such negative or bitter comments. But I wish someone had reached out and actually encouraged me, actually offered some support, friendship or mentorship rather than just telling me all these horrid sounding things. SO, although I myself am a brand new pastor's wife and I know that I have MUCH to learn and much to go through still, if you are someone who is going to be a pastor's spouse, are engaged, or are a brand new ministry spouse yourself, well then let me encourage you! Yes, all those things people told me were true, being in ministry is hard. Yes its time consuming, yes people may take advantage of you, yes people may criticize you, people may hurt you. I am not writing this with rose coloured glasses or straight out of a honeymoon phase, I have already been through my fair share of hurt and difficult changes that come from the church and from being a pastors wife and daughter. I am in no way trying to say this has been or will be easy, but what I do want to say is congratulations! Now, being a pastors spouse, you are not confined to any titles or roles unless you want to be. You can be as involved as little or as much as you would like in your church, and that's okay! You are not defined by the labels others put on you or the stereotypes of the perfect pastor's spouse. BUT I want to share some of my joys with you, because I was outright shocked when I found out how much joy came from being a pastor's wife. I went in with preconceived notions that I would end up hating the church, I went in assuming everyone was out to get me and steal my husband. What I have found in turn, are many kind people who love Jesus. What I have found are eager youth who desire to reach out to their community and their friends, youth who inspire me every day. I have found young girls who learn that they can come to me with struggles they are going through. I have found that earning their friendship means so much to me. I have found senior pastors who encourage us, and board members who pray for us. I have found community, and welcoming families and friends who open their homes to us. I have found I get to serve in the ways that I m gifted and was created to. I feel so blessed to be able to serve my local church in the ways that I love. I have found that I belong, that my husband and I are seen as a team. I have found that it is not just his job but it is our ministry. I feel so blessed to belong to a church who wants to reach out, who wants to walk with broken people and share Jesus to our community. Yes every church, like every family has their flaws, has their conflicts, has their struggles. But there are SO many joys to be experienced. If you are going into ministry as a spouse, you ARE in for a real treat! I'm sure that I will go through harder times than I can even imagine today, but Im also sure that I will experience so many greater joys and victories to God's kingdom than I can even imagine today. Hold on to those simple pleasures, those victories however big or small, and pray pray pray for God's strength when things are tough and when things are going great. Remember the bigger picture of the glory that is to come. Remember we are all just broken people trying with the best of our human ability to serve God and others. If you are a pastors spouse or are involved in ministry and this has helped you in some way I would LOVE to hear from you! For the past several months I have often felt very alone as a PW and my hope and prayer is to build a community of people who understand each other. Lets be friends, lets pray for each other, lets do life together, lets encourage each other and lets not feel alone in this but be empowered by God's grace and support from each other.
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